Attente de ma fusée pour venir

Love it.

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 08:26:37 GMT

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in L.A.

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

- Incubus

I know it sounds crazy, buttttttttt...

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 20:01:58 GMT

In the past few days, my ventures into art, literature, and nature have allowed me to completely rethink my approach to life. The more I discover the more I seem to understand.

Intellectually and philsophically, I've never felt stronger. =)

My behavior as of late seems completely explainable to me, and yet, my new thoughts are making me change at a rapid rate. While personality-wise I know I'm still the same, my behavioral patterns and approaches to life are getting a massive makeover.

Here's to the beginning of the rest of my life. =)

This looked fun.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 18:55:54 GMT

28. I'm getting there. ;)

1. Have had sex

2. have been drunk

3. have been high

4. have gone skinny dipping

5. have made out with a stranger

6. have made out in an elevator

7. had sex in your friends bed

8. hook up with a friend

9. snuck out of your house

10. been to the beach at night

11. swam with dolphins

12. been out of the country

13. thought about kiling yourself

14. intentionally hurt yourself

15. liked your best friends bf/gf

16. have cheated on a bf or gf

17. been raped

18. been robbed

19. gotten in a fight

20. been in a car accident

21. been on a blind date

22. had a crush on your best friend

23. been attracted to someone of the same sex

24. been to 3rd base

25. touched yourself

26. skipped school

27. stolen something (not counting when you were 8)

28. are goth

29. are racist

30. want to move to the other side of the country after college

31. dont want to go to college

32. have something other then your ears peirced

33. have liked a friends brother or sister

34. have dyed your hair

35. have used self tanner

36. kissed in the rain

37. been grounded

38. been to a drive in movie

39. have 6 or more pets

40. have curly hair

41. have 3 or more siblings

42. parents are divorced

43. have a GPA of 3.5 or higher

44. Been arrested

45. been suspended

46. had detention

47. played strip poker

48. done a strip tease

49. played spin the bottle

50. been thought to be older then you are

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 07:03:30 GMT

To whom it may concern:

I'm sorry if I've acted weird for the past couple of months. The trouble is, I've been battling alot of issues (and I'm not just talking about the January breakup...not that it's completely unrelated either). The truth is that I've been in and out of the psychologist and psychiatrist offices for help with some severe bouts of depression and anxiety that have flared up recently, but been there for awhile. Alot of it is very self esteem related and stems with events from my teenhood. I guess recent events such as the breakup, a memorial service, and lots of friendship issues haven't really helped either. I got put on antidepressants, but I couldn't sleep at all with them, so I stopped. It just sucks to feel down alot and at times, think suicidally (even though this is pretty much a thing of the past).

I don't know. I guess this is why I've been pretty avoidant for awhile. I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy, I just thought I should let people know why I haven't been my usual, bubbly self 24/7.

On the bright side, I have improved some with summer break. Been reading "War and Peace" and working out alot.

I've been writing poetry lately.

Sun, 04 May 2008 04:46:20 GMT

4/16

She sat upon the highest steep
Certain that she soon would leap
Finding herself higher than ever before
Unable to fathom death's open door
Looking down into the abyss
Seeing that she was unable to miss
Her body prompted her to take the jump
Hoping to forget her incredible slump
Yet right as she reached the moment of release
Something prompted her to retract her feet
For despite the uncertainty that lay ahead
A voice continued to cry in her head
"All of the things worth fighting for
Cannot be guaranteed forevermore.
But if you have faith and patience too
Combined with a will that nothing else will do
You'll find a strength to carry on
And achieve the goal you've wanted all along."

Resolved to achieve this certain strength
The girl looked out to the moon's ascent
Seeing the twinlking glow of the stars
She realized her lesson from afar
That in order to achieve beauty, love, and peace
She had to start trusting her own two feet

Thoughts...Change...

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:14:21 GMT

So, I've been thinking alot lately about myself and realized just how much I've changed these past couple of months. Recently I've been dealing with my problems in all the wrong ways and it needs to stop. I've done so many things that I shouldn't have and I am appalled with myself about them. I think the worst part is that I've made promises and not kept them...my biggest pet peeve. And if I can't practice what I preach, then what have I become? Something I don't like.

And that's why I've been so upset lately. I feel like I have hurt the person I care the most about and I don't know how to fix it. I've tried finding a miraculous solution that will make everything better, but of course, nothing works. The worst part is that I don't do this. I always keep my promises. Thus, now, when I'm faced with doing what I've done, I can't cope. It's to the point where I hate what I've become in the past couple of months.

And I realized this Friday night. In a stupid way. After grabbing and spilling a drink all down my shirt, it just came to me. All night I tried to look cool and collected and okay with what I'd done to others and I wasn't at all. I just wanted to get out of there and be alone and stop fucking up. I had tried so hard to accept the consequences of my actions but I just couldn't. I hated myself for these actions. Actions that meant nothing to me. Just a distraction from what really mattered to me.

So, I'm done. I'm done using unhealthy ways to sort out my problems. And I'm done trying to find a quick, miracle solution to all. If there was one, I would pursue it in an instant. But there isn't, and I need to accept that.

As someone once told me, i just need to flow and let things lay out as they will. Rome wasn't built in a day.

The only positive thing that happens when I'm in a state like this is that I think so much more clearly. And am honest to myself. Thus, there are several things I've learned about myself.

1. I am far too impatient. It's like I always need things done immediately and any deviation from what I want is unacceptable. This isn't realistic.

2. As much as I hate to admit it, one day I do want to get married and have the stereotypical American family. Which goes against everything I stand for, lol, but is definitely true.

3. Ultimately, as fun as parties are, I am also the nerdy, board game with friends type-of-girl. Last night when I blew off partying for board games, I realized just how much fun I could have without my usual demons.

4. Writing things out helps me see them better and makes me discover more about myself.

So that's that. I'm not going to be too interested in going out and partying any time soon. There's several things that I need to sort out and several friendships that I need to work on before I'm comfortable again. But at least I've made a start...

To Christopher Rice...

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 10:26:59 GMT

Where do I begin? There are so many things to say about you.

From the beginning of our relationship, I knew you were different. We seemed to have nothing in common but for some reason, I knew that there was a purpose that we were together. They say that opposites attract, and I genuinely believe that. You were nothing that I first made you out to be. You were sweet and caring and AMAZING. When we went on a phenomenal first date, you completely shocked me when I figured out that you had planned everything out. I never would have guessed. You enchanted me.

As time went on, I cherished every visit that we had together. I'll never forget taking the train to UCR and getting picked up and watching movies and eating noodles and sandwiches with you. Or hanging out with Aisha and Ben. Or, just going to your house and cuddling up and watching a movie together. Honestly, those were some of the best nights of my life.

And when you came to Texas, we had so much fun! I never thought that it would be so fun but it was! You got to see who I truly was and where I was from and I felt so special that you did that for me. I only hope that you can come again, and this time meet my friends!

There are hundreds more memories I have with you in them and each of them hold a special place in my heart that I will never forget. And while I have written this entry in the past tense, the feelings I have for you still hold true. Every smile you give me makes me weak. Every time you come to see me my heart races a mile a minute, excited to know that you'll be here. To me, you are everything.

And now that we're apart. I'm trying to cope, but I can't. I'm trying really hard, but I don't know what to do. I've kissed other guys, but only to take the pangs of loneliness away. To me, it means nothing. I try to make promises that I won't do it, but the fact that you're not there and that you say you don't care makes me feel that you want me to do it in an attempt to move on. But I'm not moving anywhere.

We've both hurt each other and made mistakes, but that's what life is all about, right? You can't dwell on it.

We started breaking up because you claimed that you weren't sure that I wanted to be with you. And while I know that I wanted to be with you, I do think that the idea of a break was good. It made me realize just how much I want to be with you. Maybe I didn't show that in the right way, but I know how to now.

I don't care what you've done or who with, and I honestly thought I would. All I know is that I love and accept you for who you are, and whatever has happened, has happened. Everyone I talk to thinks I'm an idiot and that I should just move on and forget about us. But I can't. And I know that must be love. What others say has no bearing on how I feel towards you.

So maybe when I joked that love didn't exist, I just never realized it's true meaning. Love is patience and forgiveness and devotion to one person, no matter what the cost.

So, if you're not ready to get back into a relationship, I understand. We're young and most people need to live life on the wild side right now.

But know that now, I am done with being with other guys. Maybe you need you're time to work things out, but I don't. Until you tell me that you don't care what I do, then I won't do anything with guys. I swear to you on my life. And even if you do, I still won't be interested. I know it won't compare to what we had.

So, just know that I love you and am so proud for everything you have accomplished. You are an amazing, wonderful, caring, thoughtful guy. I will cherish every memory we have had together and everything that you have written to me. I only hope that one day we will have the chance to start our relationship again. You mean the world to me, and I know that if you truly love me then you'll come back. There are so many more memories I wish to have with you.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend
without a face to say hello to
But now the night is near
And I can make-believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own...

What? I'm still alive?

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 04:54:28 GMT

Greetings kids!

Yes, I'm still alive in California. Haven't been killed by an earthquake/crazed drunk driver yet. Been working at Deline Pictures and CFP Productions on the Warner Bros. and Paramount lots, which has been pretty fun. Get to experience the whole Hollywood thing from behind the scenes. So, I spend my days reading potential scripts and writing feedback, running errands, and picking up phones. It's pretty cool to know that Ridley Scott's phone number is sitting in front of you, the script you're reading might become a movie, and Will Smith is shooting a movie just down the lot. I haven't recognized any famous people yet, but honestly, I haven't really been looking. Eh, I'm lame.

I should be auditioning for stuff on the side, and I have the audition notices/info, but I just don't really have time. I REALLY am going to start, but I just want to get in shape first. Been working out alot and eating less (yay). But, I still have a long way to go.

Living alone isn't that bad. I have some friends in the area, and isolation just helps me think about stuff. It also makes me miss Kingwood. Hahaha. But really, it's good for me. And, it's not like at sit at my apartment all day by myself. I'm always out doing something...

So, things are going well. However, I'm spending money out the wazoo. The only thing I get free is the free movie screenings at the studios, which are AWESOME. Got to see "Transformers" for free several days before it came out, so that was awesome. Also, I get to bring in guests...So, if anyone's in the area this summer, hit me up!

Beach is fun too! I go waaaaaay too much. So, I'm pretty tan now and my hair is turning lighter. Hehehe. Beach bum.

Hmm...that's all for now. Not partying too much, but I get my fair share. That'll start up again when school starts...

=) That's all folks.

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:06:59 GMT

Well, I went to my interview today for the internship at one of the production companies at Paramount and, I got it! The lady was really nice, and the company's little bungalow on the lot is really cute. As an intern I would do some office work and get to read scripts, typing up reports about them and what I think. This sounds crazy to me because I would actually be voicing my opinion on scripts before they decided on whether or not they picked them up. Crazy, but awesome!

Just going to the interview was lots of fun. When we turned off the highway onto Melrose, it seemed really sketchy, but once we got to the Paramount gate, it was AWESOME! I had to go through security and get a pass, and then walk through the lot to get to the interview, walking past their display of Oscars and Golden Globes from movies (like Titanic). It was also fun walking by all of the sound stages, imagining what they were filming. Wow, it was exactly where I wanted to be.

The hard thing is making a commitment to being here all summer. Don't get me wrong, I know I would love the internship, but not seeing my family and friends for the vast majority of the summer is going to be tough. Almost as if I don't get a break. And I love seeing friends and family. But, I mean, these types of opportunities are EXACTLY why I went to USC. It seems a wsste to pass them up. I really will miss home alot though.

I don't know. I guess I'm kinda at a crossroads in life. Further my future career or take a summer break back home? I think I already know the answer, but I'll see what happens.

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 07:57:02 GMT

So, I haven't really updated recently at all. Maybe I should...

Life has been busy. Good, but busy.

I've had about a million papers due the past 2 weeks. It's ridiculous. And my grades have gone down the toilet. My writing class is killing me. Basically, it's a mandatory class that everyone takes and the teachers purposely give you bad grades. Seriously. Everyone I know gets Bs and Cs on papers. Eh. What can you do?

Done lots of sorority stuff. Had formal and it was awesome! We went to the Marriott in Long Beach and it was really nice. And then I planned a retreat because I'm Sisterhood Chair. We learned Salsa and Swing dance. Wheeeeee. The only bad part was that since I planned it I had to dance with one of the instructors. Hahaha. Good timmesssss.

Only one month of school left! Ahh! Crazy! I've been looking for entertainment internships and have emailed my resume to several places. I've already gotten 3 responses from 3 different companies! On Wednesday, I have an interview with a production company on the Paramount Pictures lot. I'm waaaaaaaaaay excited because I'll be right where I want to be. Sweet. And I can do lots of networking. I figure if I have that during the summer, I can go out and audition for stuff when I'm not working. We'll see what happens... I still have interviews with the other companies to look forward to, and I'm waiting to hear back from a few more.

Eh, that's all for now. Maybe I should try and update this thing more often...

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 06:34:28 GMT

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, they must be songs you are presently enjoying. Post these instructions in your Live Journal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Sunrise- Norah Jones
Ay Chico (Lengua Afuera)- Pitbull
Hands Down (Acoustic)- Dashboard Confessional
Sexy Love- Ne-Yo
Little House- The Fray
Playing Favorites- The Starting Line
Walk Away (Remember Me)- Paula DeAnda

Hahaha. What a weird little mix.

Tag: Anyone who actually reads this.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 04:38:25 GMT

On that note...

Your Kissing Purity Score: 23% Pure

For you, it's all kiss and no talk.

You're in a permanent lip lock.

Kissing Purity Test

Ummmmmmmmmm...what a slut.

That's all for now.

Quizzes, so I don't have to do work.

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 23:49:49 GMT

Your Birthdate: November 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Hmm...interesting

The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir

So what if you're a little nihilistic at times? Life with meaning is highly over-rated. Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Hahaha. Good one.

Your Kissing Purity Score: 29% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

Hahaha.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

A Summary of 2006, a bit of 2005.

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 10:47:52 GMT

2006. Wow. I have 4 words to say about it:

THANK GOD IT'S OVER.

Sure, there were some good things about it.

The beginning of the year was awesome. For multiple reasons, including:
-"Tom Jones"
-Accepted by USC
-My wonderful, loving, then-boyfriend, Rhys
-Friends
-Graduation
-Missing Prom, but Rhys throwing me one
-London with my family and Rhys

And, my final decision to attend USC was well worth it. I LOVE it there. LOVE IT. I'm a completely different person there than in Kingwood. I'm the outgoing, obnoxious, noisy one that's always up for a party and always has the guts to do anything. I have tons of friends, I'm comfortable and confident, yadda yadda yadda.

But I need to face the fact that this year pretty much sucked for other reasons.

This was dominated by my relationship with Rhys, which I will now narrarate in great detail (which means you should probably skip this part unless you're interested).

Rhys and I were never supposed to be together, but it just sort of happened. There were always problems. Always.

I liked Rhys my junior year. But of course, all the girls liked him. We started to get close during "The Miser" and I thought we would start dating soon. We would hang out alot. I was so excited when he came to my 17th birthday, and one of his sisters told me all the effort he had put into making and getting my gift. We had jokes about our favorite animals and I ended up with the name "Unicorn Princess," so for my birthday he got me a unicorn and made a crown for it.

I was so excited, but I was really busy during my party. One of my "friends" ended up flirting with him the entire party, while she knew I liked him, and asked him out that night. He said yes, and right when he left, she asked if she could kiss him, and they kissed right in front of me. I was deeply upset.

I shoved Rhys in the back of my brain, and ended up having a thing with another guy. Lol. It was pretty meaningless though, and we broke up after 3 months.

In the spring of junior year, someone in my family became really depressed. Like, suicide attempts and everything, the works. It was one of the worst experiences in my life, and pretty much shattered any faith I had in people. Rhys and I were still friends (after he had broken up with my "friend") and for some reason I found it really easy to talk to him about anything. So, he really helped me through this. It was hard juggling this when no one else was there for me. I acted normal at school and at "Romeo and Juliet" practice, but deep down, I had lots of hurt and pain. Rhys always knew how to make me smile and take me away from everything. Sure, my friends were there, but they didn't know the story, and I didn't want everyone to feel sorry for me, so I kept it between the two of us.

At the time, one of my friends really liked him, but I couldn't help liking him too. I didn't tell her that I liked him because I didn't want to make her angry or sad or upset. And besides, I didn't think anything was going to happen.

He ended up asking me out one night when we were swimming. I couldn't resist. I didn't want to hurt my friend, but I knew how much I genuinely cared for him after all he had gotten me through. I knew I had missed out on my last chance with him and thought I would miss out if I did't seize this opportunity. So I said yes. But at the same time, I felt horrible about telling my friend who liked him.

So, we decided to keep us a secret. This started to work, but eventually, it became too much of a hassle. So, we told everyone, and my friend who liked him was far from happy. She ended up getting very depressed, for a number of factors, and it made me feel even more horrible about it. This only added to the depression I was already experiencing from someone in my family, and I felt so much pressure and trouble. But, Rhys helped me through.

I think it made me really angry that depression seemed to have taken over my life, dictating me what to do and think and feel based on other people's moods. I shouldn't have thought that way, because I knew that these people needed help, but I was really stressed and surrounded by it everywhere. It was taking over my life at home and socially.

Well, life went on, and our relationship went on. People got better. Girls were always trying to flirt with him, leaving us with another obstacle. I got kind of protective, but just as any girlfriend would. We saw each other practically every night, but neither of us ever protested. We would do homework or something. Rhys would be tired alot, but never complain about it.

I applied to college and got into my dream school and Rhys's school. I had to choose between the two, including a full-ride to UH with him or a no-ride to USC and be 1500 miles away from home with no one that I knew. It was hard. I got pressure to go to both. I ended up sending in my card to USC, mainly after lots of pressure from Sheffield, but I never cancelled UH. I didn't really decide where to go until July.

Because of college, I started to get really stressed about Rhys and I. We loved each other and both decided to stay together no matter what I really wanted to stay near him, but he wouldn't tell me what to do. I asked him what he would do in my position, and he said that he would go to USC. After much consideration, I decided to go to USC.

After I decided, I really wanted to see him alot, so we hung out almost every day that summer. Not all day, every day, but most days. Half the time it was just a visit before bed or something. He went to London with me and we had lots of fun. But as time went on, from the end of school into summer, we always found ourselves in petty arguments. They started getting worse and worse. We would always resolve them, but they happened alot.

We ended up breaking up in late July, after almost 14 months. He said something that made us decide to mutually break up, although we weren't fighting at the time. I don't know if it's true or not. I think the real reason he said it was because of our arguments, which he later told me that he couldn't take anymore. I was devastated. I cried for weeks. I couldn't sleep the first night, I couldn't eat for several days. Time drew closer to USC starting.

Right before I left, I convinced him to try us again. I went off to USC, and making an effort to keep us together, I called him everyday. We got into an argument, and he immediately stopped this second try, not much longer after we started. He upset me so much. I cried so much at USC about him, in fact, the first thing I ran out of there was tissues. Luckily, my friends were there for me.

I came back for his birthday. We had a good time, but we got into an argument. We resolved it though.

I came back for Thanksgiving too and we got into another argument. After this, I purposely made an effort to not get into arguments with him. I realized how we both needed space. I decided to give him some space and at break try to get us together one last time.

This Christmas, I came back, and we got along great. I joked about how all I wanted for Christmas was him. I don't think he understood how serious I was though. We had a great time with no fights. So, on the 23rd, I bought him roses and made him a mix cd, asking for one last try. We talked, but he refused to even try it. I talked about how I wanted us to date other people too, knowing how unrealistic it was to keep the relationship exclusively, but he refused to even try. He ended up screaming at me that night for being persistent. I was overcome with tears. He didn't seem to care.

After this, I realized something. As much as I cared, and as much effort as I put into getting back together with him, he wouldn't even give it a shot. If he wouldn't even give it a shot, than I shouldn't be putting that much effort into him.

All this time I had focused on how much we had overcome, only to be brought down by arguments. That's why he was so hard to get over. In addition, he had been my main source of comfort during the first really bad time in my life.

But, if he wasn't willing to give us a shot, then why was I even trying? I should want someone who wants me too.

So, as hard as it is to say goodbye (and I'm not saying it's not hard anymore, because that's not true), I think that it's time to move on.

He has done a million wonderful things for me and I will always love him, but I can't be like this anymore. I can't count how many days I've cried over him this semester, up to the day before I came back.

So, while I hate to say it, this year has been defined by Rhys and I breaking up, something I definetly did not see coming at the beginning of last year.

I had to get this off my chest. I don't want this inside of me anymore. It's unhealthy.

But now, it's time for me to have some fun and let loose!

With this, I give you my new year's resolutions:
1. Lose Weight (the usual)
2. Have fun in Love (and lust)
3. Don't take anything too seriously

Happy New Year! WOO 2007!

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 08:55:14 GMT

Maybe, just maybe, I'm finally growing up.

Sorry, girls, but I'm not a lesbian...

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 17:44:16 GMT

!!!!

The previous post was NOT TRUE and formulated by my roommate, Julianna. I am in fact, NOT a lesbian, and straight. I love boys too much. =)

If anyone cares to not believe me, then fine, whatever. But in that post, nothing was capitalized, there was no punctuation, etc. And anyone who knows me, or has read my LJ knows I care too much about grammatical correctness.

That is all.

=)

If anyone has ideas for getting my roommate back, feel free to share!

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 07:51:04 GMT

The Fray is AMAZING in concert. Seriously. I just got back from their concert at the Wiltern and it was amazing! I just found out that they are coming to USC to play in about 2 weeks, and I am so ready. Wow. Just wow. They are one of the few bands that are actually as good as, if not better, than their cd. Their lyrics pretty much describe my life...

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life

College...

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 04:18:11 GMT

I'm changing...

It's strange. I really am changing. I guess what they say about college really is true...you DO change. I'm having so much fun and living life on the edge. But when will I slip off that edge? Or will I? I'm not good girl Jennifer anymore. I'm doing things I never thought I would do. Some good, some bad...I think. I'm more bold. I'm not quiet, shy... I'm known as the troublemaker, the bold and blunt one, the party girl that's up for almost anything. I've completely reinvented myself. But now I've got to separate the real me from the fake me. Am I living a lie or am I just coming into myself?

With the stuff that happened in the past months, I felt as if I wanted to forget about everything. Screw what happened, I went off to start a new life. I wanted to forget about everything that happened and wanted to start fresh. I knew it would be hard, and it was, but I didn't want to think about how screwed up everything was back home. My whole expectations of the future were gone; the one thing that I thought was constant was gone. I started not to care what happened and started living for the heck of it. And that's why I think I've changed so much. I just don't care anymore. I'm not saying I don't care about life, but rather the opposite. I don't care about society's rules and what people will think anymore. Seize the Day...and do what you want. You don't know what's going to happen, so enjoy your happiness while it lasts.

And on this note, I think I have come into myself. I haven't chosen a facade to hide behind. I am happy here.

Hmm...off to ponder some more...

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 07:11:12 GMT

I'm not upset about this at the moment, but...

How can people completely change so quickly?

I mean, seriously. You think you know someone and BAM. Nope.

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 22:39:40 GMT

I LOVE COLLEGE. For reals. It's so fun.

I've been doing alot of Greek stuff recently and I've really enjoyed it. We had out first dance, "Beach Bash", at Duke's in Malibu, and it was awesome. I went with my friend Brendan, who I met at one of the frats, ZBT, and it was beaucoup de fun. He asked me to his invite the previous weekend, and so I got to go to that too, as a freshman (heh heh)! And then he sent me pretty pretty flowers in a vase for Monday Night Dinner/Deliveries (where the frat girls/guys deliver gifts to each of the houses, and all the frats/sororites have dinner at their house whilst this is happening). They were even from a crazy flower delivery type place! And then I've been to like 23948293428 sorority-related events- new member meetings, dinners, blah blah blah. So yes, lots of socializing and having fun. Loves it.

I've been really outgoing at USC and I really like that. Like crazily outgoing. Made lots of friends and have had lots of fun. I already feel so close to people even tho it's only been a little more than a month that I've been here. I don't want to leave!!!

Anyway...yeah. So much to say, but I don't even know where to start.

Go USC!

Hope everyone else is enjoying college as much as I am. I miss you guys!

USC!

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 06:26:06 GMT

USC is pretty amazing. And by pretty amazing, I mean AMAZING. Just everything. There's just so much to do, so many resources, so much freaking money everywhere. Wow, just wow.

The hardest thing to get used to is the massive amounts of helicopters and planes that fly overhead all the time! It's absolutely ridiculous.

There were lots of back to school activities last week. We had a concert with Hot Hot Heat and Big City Rock and another band. That was pretty cool.Then we had a comedy show with Norm McDonald and a USC guy. Norm was so not funny in person. I was quite disappointed. I've always thought he was pretty funny, but now...yeah...

But yes! The Shrine Auditiorium is right across from my school and the Emmy Awards are happening there on Sunday! How cool is that? I TOTALLY plan on walking over and seeing if I see any famous people. Heck yes.

Also, I'm rushing for a sorority. Weird, right? Yes, I know, it's quite strange...but we'll see what happens...not sure that I'll pledge, but I think the experience will be good. So yay.

Classes are pretty hardcore. French is work work work since it's 4 days a week (ugh). Oh well.

Still debating on switching my major. I think I'm going to stick with theatre though, because honetly, I walked into a theatre meeting today and just felt so at home; more at home than I've felt the entire time I've been here. So I suppose that's saying something.

I miss everyone! Message/Email/AIM me anytime!

Stuff

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 06:14:03 GMT

I'm in L.A. now!!! Woo hoo! I move in tomorrow at 8:30 am, so that should be interesting.

Also, I'm switching my major from theatre to communications. I don't think I can officially do this until the end of the first semester, but it's definetly looking like a better move for getting into FILM acting. I've looked at the internships you can get in L.A. for communications, and WOW. Yes. Basicallly, exactly the people I should get to know to break into the entertainment biz. And, I'm still going to be minoring in either theatre or musical theatre, and I might decide to double major...we'll see what happens.

Rhys and I are dating again in an open relationship. It's complicated, but it's probably the best thing for us. So yay. We love each other no matter what.

So in conclusion, lots of changes, in every aspect of my life. It's frightening and exciting, all at the same time...

Survey.

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 03:44:44 GMT

Ultimate Myspace Survey!

Basics/Personal
Full name?:	Jennifer
Were you named after anyone/anything?:	Just my middle name. It\'s a family tradition.
What are your nicknames?:	Jenn/Jem/Jen
How did you get your nicknames?:	My name and initials.
Would you name your children after you?:	Just give a girl my middle name.
Gender:	Female
Race:	European mutt.
Birthday:	11/22
Age:	18
Age you act:	Like 3. It\'s sad.
Birth place:	Washington State
Where did you grow up?:	The Bubble
Religion:	Presbyterian
Height:	5\'8.5\"
Eye color:	Blue
Hair color:	Dark Blonde/Brown. Depends on the season.
Righty or a lefty?:	Righty.
Have any piercings? If so, where?:	Ears and cartilage.
Tattoos? Where at?:	None yet. Want one tho!
If not, do you want any (piercings or tattoos)?:	Belly button ring and small tattoo eventually.
On a scale 1-10, rate yourself, 10 being the highest and 1 lowest:	Umm...that\'s weird. No.
What is your favorite thing about yourself?:	I can have a good personality.
Least favorite thing?:	I can be shy.
Are you percieved wrong?:	Sometimes.
Love and Stuff
Are you single?:	Yes.
Who are you with, or who do you want to be with?:	I know who I want to be with and who wants to be with me because we love each other. But, we can't be together. So someone alot like him. =)
Are you in love?:	Yes.
Have you ever been in love, and if so, how many times?:	Once.
How many serious relationships:	1.
Number of people dated?:	2.
Ever told someone you loved them and didnt mean it?:	No.
On a date, who should pay?:	Share it. Take turns.
Have you ever showered with someone?:	Yes...actually...hehehe
What personality traits do you look for in the opposite sex?	Nice, Funny, Intelligent
What's the first thing you notice(physically) about them?	Eyes
Is it possible to be faithful to one person forever?:	Yes.
Do you want to get married and have kids?:	Yes. Kids are questionable, but likely.
If so, how many, what gender and what will their names be?:	1 boy, 1 girl. No idea on names.
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?:	Yes.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you attractive?:	My personality attractive maybe.
Have you had your heart broken, how many times?:	1.

Do you..
Smoke?:	No.
Drink?:	Only in London. And only girly drinks.
Do drugs?:	No.
Pray:	Yes.
Go to church:	Yes.
Sleep around:	No.
Steal:	No.
Lie a lot?:	No.
Cuddle?:	I LOVE CUDDLING!!! My favorite!
Believe in the easter bunny?:	Duh.
Believe in any other legend/mythical charactor?:	Unicorns. And Santa. They both are real.
Ever embaress yourself?:	All the time, everyday.
Like to shop?:	Yes.
Drive?:	I do, but I don\'t like to.
Make dinner?:	No. But I could!
Wear underwear?:	Yes...
Have you ever..
Spun around until you were so dizzy you couldnt walk?:	Yes.
Screamed so much you lost your voice?:	Probably.
Laughed so much it was painful?:	Lol, all the time.
Cried yourself to sleep?:	Yes.
Gone skinny dipping?:	No...I need to do that...
Ran away from home?:	Not ran away, but left so I could get away from stuff.
Slept outside?:	No.
Been on stage?:	Yes. Alot.
Been to a concert? If so what ones?:	Yes. Also alot. The most recent being Fall Ou Boy/All-American Rejects (Yes, it was AMAZING!)
Done something unexpected?:	Sure.
Kissed a stranger?:	No.
Slept with a stranger?:	NO.
Been to another state, if so what one(s)?:	Washington State, Florida, California, New York, New Jersey, Louisiana, South Carolina, Hawaii, and some more?
Been to another country, what one(s)?:	England
Kissed in the rain?:	Yes. sigh
Killed someone?:	No.
Got beaten up?:	No.
Beat someone up?:	No.
Talked on the phone all night?:	Probably.
Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?:	Yes. That is fun.
Met a famous person?	O-Town!
Had a nervous breakdown?:	Yes.
Random!
If you were stranded on a desert island, what five objects would be there with you?	Five friends.
If you had to stay somewhere for the rest of your life, where would it be?:	I don\'t know. That\'s a good question. Somewhere with people I love and who love me.
What is your first thought in the morning when you wake up?:	Argh.
Youre done!!!:	Yay!
Tell us YOUR answers to this survey! Click HERE!
Created by shorty_doowop, taken 2657 times. Created at Kwiz.biz - Kwizzes, Polls and Surveys!

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 00:29:17 GMT

Memories are just where you laid them
Dragging the waters til the depths give up their dead
What did you expect to find?
Was it something you left behind?
Don't you remember anything I said when I said,

Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
And leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleeding

Oh hold me now I feel contagious
Am I the only place that you've left to go?
She cries her life is like
Some movie in black and white
Dead actors faking lines, over and over and over again she cries

Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away and leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again
And leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleeding

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 22:08:39 GMT

I got my first paycheck in the mail today! I have contributed to society all by myself!