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Dec. 9th, 2008 @ 12:25 am Love it.
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Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in L.A.

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

- Incubus
Jun. 22nd, 2008 @ 12:55 pm I know it sounds crazy, buttttttttt...
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Current Mood: excited
In the past few days, my ventures into art, literature, and nature have allowed me to completely rethink my approach to life. The more I discover the more I seem to understand.

Intellectually and philsophically, I've never felt stronger. =)

My behavior as of late seems completely explainable to me, and yet, my new thoughts are making me change at a rapid rate. While personality-wise I know I'm still the same, my behavioral patterns and approaches to life are getting a massive makeover.

Here's to the beginning of the rest of my life. =)
Jun. 15th, 2008 @ 11:53 am This looked fun.
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28. I'm getting there. ;)

1. Have had sex

2. have been drunk

3. have been high

4. have gone skinny dipping

5. have made out with a stranger

6. have made out in an elevator

7. had sex in your friends bed

8. hook up with a friend

9. snuck out of your house

10. been to the beach at night

11. swam with dolphins

12. been out of the country

13. thought about kiling yourself

14. intentionally hurt yourself

15. liked your best friends bf/gf

16. have cheated on a bf or gf

17. been raped

18. been robbed

19. gotten in a fight

20. been in a car accident

21. been on a blind date

22. had a crush on your best friend

23. been attracted to someone of the same sex

24. been to 3rd base

25. touched yourself

26. skipped school

27. stolen something (not counting when you were 8)

28. are goth

29. are racist

30. want to move to the other side of the country after college

31. dont want to go to college

32. have something other then your ears peirced

33. have liked a friends brother or sister

34. have dyed your hair

35. have used self tanner

36. kissed in the rain

37. been grounded

38. been to a drive in movie

39. have 6 or more pets

40. have curly hair

41. have 3 or more siblings

42. parents are divorced

43. have a GPA of 3.5 or higher

44. Been arrested

45. been suspended

46. had detention

47. played strip poker

48. done a strip tease

49. played spin the bottle

50. been thought to be older then you are
Jun. 11th, 2008 @ 11:44 pm (no subject)
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Current Mood: sick
To whom it may concern:

I'm sorry if I've acted weird for the past couple of months. The trouble is, I've been battling alot of issues (and I'm not just talking about the January breakup...not that it's completely unrelated either). The truth is that I've been in and out of the psychologist and psychiatrist offices for help with some severe bouts of depression and anxiety that have flared up recently, but been there for awhile. Alot of it is very self esteem related and stems with events from my teenhood. I guess recent events such as the breakup, a memorial service, and lots of friendship issues haven't really helped either. I got put on antidepressants, but I couldn't sleep at all with them, so I stopped. It just sucks to feel down alot and at times, think suicidally (even though this is pretty much a thing of the past).

I don't know. I guess this is why I've been pretty avoidant for awhile. I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy, I just thought I should let people know why I haven't been my usual, bubbly self 24/7.

On the bright side, I have improved some with summer break. Been reading "War and Peace" and working out alot.
May. 3rd, 2008 @ 09:34 pm I've been writing poetry lately.
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4/16

She sat upon the highest steep
Certain that she soon would leap
Finding herself higher than ever before
Unable to fathom death's open door
Looking down into the abyss
Seeing that she was unable to miss
Her body prompted her to take the jump
Hoping to forget her incredible slump
Yet right as she reached the moment of release
Something prompted her to retract her feet
For despite the uncertainty that lay ahead
A voice continued to cry in her head
"All of the things worth fighting for
Cannot be guaranteed forevermore.
But if you have faith and patience too
Combined with a will that nothing else will do
You'll find a strength to carry on
And achieve the goal you've wanted all along."

Resolved to achieve this certain strength
The girl looked out to the moon's ascent
Seeing the twinlking glow of the stars
She realized her lesson from afar
That in order to achieve beauty, love, and peace
She had to start trusting her own two feet
Mar. 30th, 2008 @ 12:14 pm Thoughts...Change...
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Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: My brain thinking.
So, I've been thinking alot lately about myself and realized just how much I've changed these past couple of months. Recently I've been dealing with my problems in all the wrong ways and it needs to stop. I've done so many things that I shouldn't have and I am appalled with myself about them. I think the worst part is that I've made promises and not kept them...my biggest pet peeve. And if I can't practice what I preach, then what have I become? Something I don't like.

And that's why I've been so upset lately. I feel like I have hurt the person I care the most about and I don't know how to fix it. I've tried finding a miraculous solution that will make everything better, but of course, nothing works. The worst part is that I don't do this. I always keep my promises. Thus, now, when I'm faced with doing what I've done, I can't cope. It's to the point where I hate what I've become in the past couple of months.

And I realized this Friday night. In a stupid way. After grabbing and spilling a drink all down my shirt, it just came to me. All night I tried to look cool and collected and okay with what I'd done to others and I wasn't at all. I just wanted to get out of there and be alone and stop fucking up. I had tried so hard to accept the consequences of my actions but I just couldn't. I hated myself for these actions. Actions that meant nothing to me. Just a distraction from what really mattered to me.

So, I'm done. I'm done using unhealthy ways to sort out my problems. And I'm done trying to find a quick, miracle solution to all. If there was one, I would pursue it in an instant. But there isn't, and I need to accept that.

As someone once told me, i just need to flow and let things lay out as they will. Rome wasn't built in a day.

The only positive thing that happens when I'm in a state like this is that I think so much more clearly. And am honest to myself. Thus, there are several things I've learned about myself.

1. I am far too impatient. It's like I always need things done immediately and any deviation from what I want is unacceptable. This isn't realistic.

2. As much as I hate to admit it, one day I do want to get married and have the stereotypical American family. Which goes against everything I stand for, lol, but is definitely true.

3. Ultimately, as fun as parties are, I am also the nerdy, board game with friends type-of-girl. Last night when I blew off partying for board games, I realized just how much fun I could have without my usual demons.

4. Writing things out helps me see them better and makes me discover more about myself.

So that's that. I'm not going to be too interested in going out and partying any time soon. There's several things that I need to sort out and several friendships that I need to work on before I'm comfortable again. But at least I've made a start...
Mar. 23rd, 2008 @ 01:48 am To Christopher Rice...
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( Chris )
Jul. 6th, 2007 @ 09:40 pm What? I'm still alive?
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Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: content
Greetings kids!

Yes, I'm still alive in California. Haven't been killed by an earthquake/crazed drunk driver yet. Been working at Deline Pictures and CFP Productions on the Warner Bros. and Paramount lots, which has been pretty fun. Get to experience the whole Hollywood thing from behind the scenes. So, I spend my days reading potential scripts and writing feedback, running errands, and picking up phones. It's pretty cool to know that Ridley Scott's phone number is sitting in front of you, the script you're reading might become a movie, and Will Smith is shooting a movie just down the lot. I haven't recognized any famous people yet, but honestly, I haven't really been looking. Eh, I'm lame.

I should be auditioning for stuff on the side, and I have the audition notices/info, but I just don't really have time. I REALLY am going to start, but I just want to get in shape first. Been working out alot and eating less (yay). But, I still have a long way to go.

Living alone isn't that bad. I have some friends in the area, and isolation just helps me think about stuff. It also makes me miss Kingwood. Hahaha. But really, it's good for me. And, it's not like at sit at my apartment all day by myself. I'm always out doing something...

So, things are going well. However, I'm spending money out the wazoo. The only thing I get free is the free movie screenings at the studios, which are AWESOME. Got to see "Transformers" for free several days before it came out, so that was awesome. Also, I get to bring in guests...So, if anyone's in the area this summer, hit me up!

Beach is fun too! I go waaaaaay too much. So, I'm pretty tan now and my hair is turning lighter. Hehehe. Beach bum.

Hmm...that's all for now. Not partying too much, but I get my fair share. That'll start up again when school starts...

=) That's all folks.
Apr. 5th, 2007 @ 03:52 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: accomplished
Well, I went to my interview today for the internship at one of the production companies at Paramount and, I got it! The lady was really nice, and the company's little bungalow on the lot is really cute. As an intern I would do some office work and get to read scripts, typing up reports about them and what I think. This sounds crazy to me because I would actually be voicing my opinion on scripts before they decided on whether or not they picked them up. Crazy, but awesome!

Just going to the interview was lots of fun. When we turned off the highway onto Melrose, it seemed really sketchy, but once we got to the Paramount gate, it was AWESOME! I had to go through security and get a pass, and then walk through the lot to get to the interview, walking past their display of Oscars and Golden Globes from movies (like Titanic). It was also fun walking by all of the sound stages, imagining what they were filming. Wow, it was exactly where I wanted to be.

The hard thing is making a commitment to being here all summer. Don't get me wrong, I know I would love the internship, but not seeing my family and friends for the vast majority of the summer is going to be tough. Almost as if I don't get a break. And I love seeing friends and family. But, I mean, these types of opportunities are EXACTLY why I went to USC. It seems a wsste to pass them up. I really will miss home alot though.

I don't know. I guess I'm kinda at a crossroads in life. Further my future career or take a summer break back home? I think I already know the answer, but I'll see what happens.
Apr. 3rd, 2007 @ 12:38 am (no subject)
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Current Music: "Bruised" Jack's Mannequin
So, I haven't really updated recently at all. Maybe I should...

Life has been busy. Good, but busy.

I've had about a million papers due the past 2 weeks. It's ridiculous. And my grades have gone down the toilet. My writing class is killing me. Basically, it's a mandatory class that everyone takes and the teachers purposely give you bad grades. Seriously. Everyone I know gets Bs and Cs on papers. Eh. What can you do?

Done lots of sorority stuff. Had formal and it was awesome! We went to the Marriott in Long Beach and it was really nice. And then I planned a retreat because I'm Sisterhood Chair. We learned Salsa and Swing dance. Wheeeeee. The only bad part was that since I planned it I had to dance with one of the instructors. Hahaha. Good timmesssss.

Only one month of school left! Ahh! Crazy! I've been looking for entertainment internships and have emailed my resume to several places. I've already gotten 3 responses from 3 different companies! On Wednesday, I have an interview with a production company on the Paramount Pictures lot. I'm waaaaaaaaaay excited because I'll be right where I want to be. Sweet. And I can do lots of networking. I figure if I have that during the summer, I can go out and audition for stuff when I'm not working. We'll see what happens... I still have interviews with the other companies to look forward to, and I'm waiting to hear back from a few more.

Eh, that's all for now. Maybe I should try and update this thing more often...
Feb. 19th, 2007 @ 10:28 pm (no subject)
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List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, they must be songs you are presently enjoying. Post these instructions in your Live Journal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Sunrise- Norah Jones
Ay Chico (Lengua Afuera)- Pitbull
Hands Down (Acoustic)- Dashboard Confessional
Sexy Love- Ne-Yo
Little House- The Fray
Playing Favorites- The Starting Line
Walk Away (Remember Me)- Paula DeAnda

Hahaha. What a weird little mix.

Tag: Anyone who actually reads this.
Feb. 13th, 2007 @ 08:37 pm Happy Valentine's Day!
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On that note...



Your Kissing Purity Score: 23% Pure



For you, it's all kiss and no talk.



You're in a permanent lip lock.



Ummmmmmmmmm...what a slut.

That's all for now.
Jan. 21st, 2007 @ 03:38 pm Quizzes, so I don't have to do work.
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Your Birthdate: November 22
You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April
Hmm...interesting
The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir
So what if you're a little nihilistic at times? Life with meaning is highly over-rated. Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner
Hahaha. Good one.
Your Kissing Purity Score: 29% Pure
You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.
Hahaha.
The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.
Jan. 1st, 2007 @ 05:47 am A Summary of 2006, a bit of 2005.
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2006. Wow. I have 4 words to say about it:

THANK GOD IT'S OVER.

Sure, there were some good things about it. 

The beginning of the year was awesome. For multiple reasons, including:
-"Tom Jones"
-Accepted by USC
-My wonderful, loving, then-boyfriend, Rhys
-Friends
-Graduation
-Missing Prom, but Rhys throwing me one
-London with my family and Rhys

And, my final decision to attend USC was well worth it. I LOVE it there. LOVE IT. I'm a completely different person there than in Kingwood. I'm the outgoing, obnoxious, noisy one that's always up for a party and always has the guts to do anything. I have tons of friends, I'm comfortable and confident, yadda yadda yadda.

But I need to face the fact that this year pretty much sucked for other reasons.
But now, it's time for me to have some fun and let loose!

With this, I give you my new year's resolutions:
1. Lose Weight (the usual)
2. Have fun in Love (and lust)
3. Don't take anything too seriously

Happy New Year! WOO 2007!





Nov. 24th, 2006 @ 03:55 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: pensive
Maybe, just maybe, I'm finally growing up.
Nov. 16th, 2006 @ 12:44 pm Sorry, girls, but I'm not a lesbian...
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!!!!

The previous post was NOT TRUE and formulated by my roommate, Julianna. I am in fact, NOT a lesbian, and straight. I love boys too much. =)

If anyone cares to not believe me, then fine, whatever. But in that post, nothing was capitalized, there was no punctuation, etc. And anyone who knows me, or has read my LJ knows I care too much about grammatical correctness.

That is all.

=)

If anyone has ideas for getting my roommate back, feel free to share!
Nov. 15th, 2006 @ 02:51 am (no subject)
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Current Mood: melancholy
The Fray is AMAZING in concert. Seriously. I just got back from their concert at the Wiltern and it was amazing! I just found out that they are coming to USC to play in about 2 weeks, and I am so ready. Wow. Just wow. They are one of the few bands that are actually as good as, if not better, than their cd.  Their lyrics pretty much describe my life...

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
Nov. 5th, 2006 @ 11:18 pm College...
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Current Mood: pensive

I'm changing...

It's strange. I really am changing. I guess what they say about college really is true...you DO change. I'm having so much fun and living life on the edge. But when will I slip off that edge? Or will I? I'm not good girl Jennifer anymore. I'm doing things I never thought I would do. Some good, some bad...I think. I'm more bold. I'm not quiet, shy... I'm known as the troublemaker, the bold and blunt one, the party girl that's up for almost anything. I've completely reinvented myself. But now I've got to separate the real me from the fake me. Am I living a lie or am I just coming into myself?

With the stuff that happened in the past months, I felt as if I wanted to forget about everything. Screw what happened, I went off to start a new life. I wanted to forget about everything that happened and wanted to start fresh. I knew it would be hard, and it was, but I didn't want to think about how screwed up everything was back home. My whole expectations of the future were gone; the one thing that I thought was constant was gone. I started not to care what happened and started living for the heck of it. And that's why I think I've changed so much. I just don't care anymore. I'm not saying I don't care about life, but rather the opposite. I don't care about society's rules and what people will think anymore. Seize the Day...and do what you want. You don't know what's going to happen, so enjoy your happiness while it lasts.

And on this note, I think I have come into myself. I haven't chosen a facade to hide behind. I am happy here.

Hmm...off to ponder some more...

Sep. 20th, 2006 @ 02:09 am (no subject)
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I'm not upset about this at the moment, but...

How can people completely change so quickly?

I mean, seriously. You think you know someone and BAM. Nope.

Sep. 19th, 2006 @ 05:23 pm (no subject)
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Current Mood: happy
I LOVE COLLEGE. For reals. It's so fun.

I've been doing alot of Greek stuff recently and I've really enjoyed it. We had out first dance, "Beach Bash", at Duke's in Malibu, and it was awesome. I went with my friend Brendan, who I met at one of the frats, ZBT, and it was beaucoup de fun. He asked me to his invite the previous weekend, and so I got to go to that too, as a freshman (heh heh)! And then he sent me pretty pretty flowers in a vase for Monday Night Dinner/Deliveries (where the frat girls/guys deliver gifts to each of the houses, and all the frats/sororites have dinner at their house whilst this is happening). They were even from a crazy flower delivery type place! And then I've been to like 23948293428 sorority-related events- new member meetings, dinners, blah blah blah. So yes, lots of socializing and having fun. Loves it.

I've been really outgoing at USC and I really like that. Like crazily outgoing. Made lots of friends and have had lots of fun. I already feel so close to people even tho it's only been a little more than a month that I've been here. I don't want to leave!!! 

Anyway...yeah. So much to say, but I don't even know where to start.

Go USC!

Hope everyone else is enjoying college as much as I am. I miss you guys!